The subtle language of harassment – helping victims understand it

Hiding behind a mask and creating unease and a vague sense of fear: this is the harasser's strategy.

They use a weapon they have honed over many years: language. A double-edged tongue, with carefully weighed words, reduced to the shortest written expression to surround it with a silence filled with questions.

The writings are short because they must not leave too many traces. The words are compressed because they must not say too much. Courtesy phrases are either absent or exaggerated. Humour is often used, intended to ridicule the other person. Double meanings have become a tried and tested practice, so that the other person cannot claim victimisation, but also to protect oneself.

The harasser is a person in trouble who needs to hurt and destroy in order to feel alive. They need to touch the victim's heart and emotions. Speeches aimed at an audience (witnesses or victims) are imbued with noble values and calls to surpass oneself, just as a caring parent would speak to educate a child. The ideas flow one after another, intended as a demonstration, but a study of the speech acts reveals elements of targeted communication mixed with fragmentary information. The aim is to influence the audience of witnesses and to increase the victim's discomfort and guilt, making them feel even more inferior. 

There is a reversal of values: “do as I say, question my words, while I do the opposite of what I have said and you will not see anything, at least you will not be able to prove it; the confusion will be so great that you will come to doubt yourself”. This reversal of values can be associated with a reversal of roles and a reversal of blame, as the harasser will pretend to be a victim of harassment (by their victim). 

Finally, there is a distortion of facts to make them subjective. A word, a number, or even a legal or official framework will be transformed and discussed using biased reasoning.

The victim will therefore find it difficult to re-establish the facts, as the strategy distorts them in order to provoke emotions and prevent reasoning. This explains why many victims do not realise that they are being harassed.

This is certainly a painful topic but it is essential to bring this process to the attention of as many people as possible. Understanding means giving ourselves the means to act.